Do you find it hard to gel with people? Do you feel anxious about having a conversation with the person you have a crush on? Does it often happen to you that you are at a loss of words during social interactions? I used to have the exact same issues. Consequently,
I started compensating for my social awkwardness with a garb of being introverted. It was not like I didn’t want to talk. But to appear strong and secure and to fit in, we often put on personas. Mine was to be perceived as the strong silent type. Nevertheless, in my free time I gave this issue much thought. And, here’s what I found.
Much of the social awkwardness in us, stems out of fear of being rejected, or insecurities. So, what we do is, try too hard to find words to impress the person we happen to talk to. While doing so, we often worry about what next to say.
Looking for some anecdote or thing that might make us seem likable. But this whole process ends up making us look needy, obnoxious or narcissistic to the person in front. And understandably, he starts giving us signs about his reluctance to carry on the conversation.
What happens next is that we often pick up on those signs and take them personally. This leads us to start acting all awkward. And self-loathing starts setting in. This whole process plays itself in a loop up until extreme social anxiety sets in. Is there a way out? Thankfully yes. It’s called confidence.
Thus, to be adept at conversations one needs confidence. Confidence gives a person enough self-worth to make him drop all desires to be liked by someone else. So, for now, assuming that you have the required confidence and charisma.
Here are 7 tips for doing conversations the right way:
Having a smile on your face while in a conversation or before can work wonders. A smile indicates that you are approachable and probably a nice guy to talk to. Also, while in a conversation, do not forget to flash those pearly white teeth of yours. Do it every time your interlocutor says something even mildly pleasant or funny. This should communicate a sense of involvement on your part.
To let a conversation be fruitful, one needs let the ball remain in the court of the interlocutor. How do you do that? By appearing intrigued. The more you seem intrigues to the interlocutor, more are the chances of him opening up. Since most people look for a reliable person to confide their stories in. You can be that guy. By letting him keep talking, your likeability increases in his eyes. And the chances of him being friends with you also goes up.
Make eye contact
A firm eye contact is a must to subtly convey your assertiveness and presence in a conversation. But make sure your gaze is gentle enough for the interlocutor to feel comfortable in. That way the person being spoken to would feel a genuine connection with you. It would make him feel that you are a nice and trustworthy guy.
Do not interject often
Its important to be patient during a conversation. Being patient while listening to a fellow man speak makes you appear understanding, genuine and polite. It’s only natural that the urge to interject arises every so often. Especially when you find your interlocutor blabbering about something uninteresting.
But to keep quiet and store your opinions for later is often the wiser thing to do. It is not advisable to interrupt the speaker unless absolutely necessary. The benefit of following this tip is often evident; When you see your interlocutor reciprocating with the same courtesy, while it’s your turn to speak.
Break the ice
The most important thing in a conversation is to make the person before you feel as comfortable as you can. To do this one needs to have a confident posture, gentle eyes and a smile on his face. And with all of those things taken care, one should extend his arm for a welcoming handshake. While shaking the hand of the person one should break the ice with a courteous greeting. Like “how’s it going, man?” or “hey, it’s cold out here, you want a cigarette?”. This should help relieve all the tension in the situation.
Express opinions later
The best way to establish a relationship with your interlocutor is to keep the conversational ball in his court. At least until the time he’s fully opened himself up to you. Only then should you start expressing your own personal opinions and ideas. This tip should help you get to know your interlocutors, first. Then accordingly, when it’s your turn to open up, you need not worry much saying something that might offend him. Given that you now you have an idea about what might grind his gears.
Try not to dominate
When speaking to people, often you might find yourself doing most of the talking. In situations such as these its best to realise that the ball needs to be passed over to your interlocular. You do so by asking a question, like “what do you think?” or “what do have to say about that” or simply “Gosh I’m so talkative, I’ve been going on for ages…anyway what’s up with you, where have you been?”. Its little gestures such as these that convey your intention of establishing a relationship, rather than blowing your own trumpet.